“Change culture and you change lives. You can also change the course of history…More than anything, culture creates a sense of belonging– and belonging makes our bodies feel safe. This is why culture matters to us so deeply.” -Resmaa Menakem
Learning | Un-Learning
I think the greatest opportunity for growth for white folks living in this time is to understand the intersections of our race with our other identities, to see what advantages we have received, many unearned, because of our race, and to use the global power that comes with whiteness to identify and dismantle the structures of white supremacy.
I also think for me, as a sexually curious and adventurous woman, I also am tasked with identifying and rewriting the internalized narratives of patriarchy and misogyny that exist in my mind, and to actively challenge systems that uphold patriarchy.
Someone told me recently that those who are the most marginalized in terms of societal power are the ones who will lead us best. I’ve got a TON of privileges (see below) and yet, I, like every human, have experienced moments of grief, hurt, disgust, anger, sadness, and shame.
I know guilt deeply. I have a HARSH inner critic. Many of us do, I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older. Mine turns up often with voices of comparison, not-enoughness, shame, and guilt. That’s been my way of being for a long time.
When I was little, I used to come home and tell my mom a list, every day, of all the things I had done that had unintentionally, maybe, caused harm.
“Mom, I was standing in line and was too close to Javan and I think he got mad at me. I accidentally stepped on Arielle’s shoelaces. I took too many crayons in art class, probably. I cut Nora off because I was excited and wanted to share. I…”
I was born a guilty child. Why? That’s my own schtuff to process. What I’ve realized about guilt is that guilt, shame, and blame are not healthy, helpful emotions. Especially when it comes to talking about white supremacy and other privileges, that guilt voice can scream hard. And if I get stuck listening to that voice, then I am stuck doing absolutely nothing.
Feeling Guilty Helps No One
True, guilt might be an important step, especially when first learning about privileges. It’s natural to feel guilty, and surprised, and angry, and sad. I feel sadness a lot. But if we get stuck there, we do not write. We do not talk. We do not get out of our heads and our circles and go into the world! And guess what, we need to be in the world. White folks can’t hide right now. We can’t hide ever. We need to talk about things that make us feel uncomfortable, things that are deep pits of fear and woundings. How else will we learn individually? How else will we grow collectively?
“Our purpose is connected to our wounds. Find your wounds, find your motivation. Tap into that motivation, find your purpose.” ~My friend Morris
I believe our purpose is to identify the systems of power that are lies in our society, to dismantle them in ourselves and in our communities, and in doing so, to heal ourselves, heal our communities, and hopefully, heal the world.
Heal it, and us, from what? Heal it from living captive to narratives and realities that are unjust, racist, sexist, ableist, classist, heteronormative…narratives that are othering, that turn people into products, that turn our world into a consumption ground, that turn people against one another so that we can’t unite to fight for what matters.
Listed below are links to some topics that I’ve been processing. I’ve written about these for myself in my learning at various points, especially over the last few years, but I’m compiling them now because I think sharing is important as a roadmap for other white folks.*
*Disclaimer: I am imperfect. I make mistakes all the time. I overthink and overanalyze and try so hard to not cause harm that sometimes I’m afraid to act, but then I act anyway…sometimes it works, sometimes not. I have very often unintentionally and hurt people. I have intentionally hurt people though I didn’t realize it at the time. I am learning. I have spent eight years of my life teaching various groups of students of different ages, races, ethnicities, sexes and genders how to love themselves, read, express their voice, and create community.
Resources for Your Own Learning and Unlearning
(Click each title below)
